By Binah, The Expectant Mom
Going to the doctors used to be an easy process for me. I’d schedule my appointments as needed (a.k.a whenever I felt sick, which was every 2-3 years). Now, going to the doctor has become the most anxiety provoking event of my life.
It all began Labor Day weekend, Thursday to be exact. The nurse from my doctor’s office called and said “we need to get you in for an emergency ultrasound due to heightened levels from [the results of] your last blood work.” As I began to panic and probe her for more about my blood work she says “Well its spinal bifida; but, it’s only slightly high.”
So here I am freaking out and wondering what the hell is spinal bifida and what’s the cut off for a false positive? What machine was used to run the test? Does LabCorp have the results available for me and can I speak to a technician? And the questions didn’t stop but this nurse sure ended our conversation with little to no information for me except that my appointment was Tuesday at 8:00 am; which means I would have to wait four whole entire days to find out if my child was OK.
And I would have four days to research and find the best doctors in the country.
During these four days I used my Baby Doppler on an hourly basis to listen to my child’s heartbeat, I researched all the best doctors in the country, and I fell deep into the dark web just in case I needed to pay some obscene amount of money to ensure the health of my child. I also did a lot of praying and I enlisted my prayer warriors to do the same.
Finally the day came….
Tuesday, four days after I was given the “news,” we waited very impatiently in the waiting room until the nurse walked us back to the ultrasound room. As the nurse calmly took ultrasound pictures of my child I was low-key freaking out. The nurse couldn’t interpret the pictures because only the doctor could give us the results. After an hour my doctor finally comes in and said everything looked fine and that the test was a false positive.
So here I am happy… No elated! But also a little pissed off. I had more questions. Why did y’all make me wait four days for an “emergency ultrasound appointment?” Why didn’t y’all run the test multiple times for validity? Why did y’all make me go crazy in the dark web?
None of my questions were answered. And in fact, I realized I freaked out for nothing. At the end of the day regardless of what the test results were, we were going to tackle this as a family. There was nothing the dark web would have done for me. There was nothing my Baby Doppler would have done. There was nothing all that money I was planning on spending on the best doctors would have done.
I learned through this experience that Doc ain’t got the answers. Before there was technology and all these machines, there was a natural instinct that mother relied on.
And I just need to be still in my instincts.